did it come to pass that one of the most snowless cities in Canada is
to host the Winter Olympics? Is there a surprise
age that we haven’t been told about? If not, How will we look when our
international guests stay wet for two solid weeks?
I, in my inestimable evilgeniosity, have solved solved the very problem I pose. Under our inspired Rhino leadership, the eternal organization of shadows known only as “Vancouver Engineering Services” will equip the Lower Mainland with a series of massive tethers anchoring giant balloons that will float in the tropopause layer of the atmosphere.
The tops of these balloons will feature a series of articulated mirrors to reflect sunlight away from the Earth’s surface, dropping temperatures to the point where ice crystals can form and we get snow1. When snow is not needed, these mirrors can be used to concentrate sunlight across the Lower Mainland onto a single point, a tool most useful for smiting our enemies.
1or hailstones the size of melons - there are still a few bugs to work out